When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Go Shopping

I get on high on shopping. It’s what weed is to its addict. Okay not exactly but somewhere close. It heals your broken heart. It’s a good way of dealing with your mood swings when PMSing. Most importantly it makes you happy.

My Dad knows me very well. He has the magical power to decipher my tone and voice over the phone. And once he guesses that I’m upset or am missing home he takes no time transferring extra green paper to my a/c ( thank you SBIOnline!), followed by a BBM ‘My Gudiya should always stay with a smile. Go shop for yourself’. And in no time I’m ready for shopping with that golden weapon in my bag.

I don’t really think people around me can happily tolerate me while I’m on the shopping spree. There are only few people who can. First, Daddy, he has the energy to come behind me and bring out finest stuff to my notice and they always suit my taste. Second, my elder sister, she has the ability to give her expert opinion and cut-short my drama. Third, my driver, who is just missed call away and a religious question he is sure of ‘Madam ji next kidhar jaana hai?’

Apparently the sales girls in these malls and retail stores (read: Juhu, Andheri Shopper’s Stop, Zara, Malls in Surat) aren’t really fond of me. Judging by the expressions of few I guess they actually hate me. I am also a pro at digging out small stores of export rejects and bargaining to no core. The usual conversations go this way.

Me: ‘Bhaiya, ye kitne ka hai?’

Shop fellow: ‘Madam ji, 700’

Me:’Aur kitne mein doge?’

Shop fellow: ‘Kya madam ji aap bhi’

Me:’Kya bhaiya aise kaise 700 laga rahe ho. Hum kya Alibaug se aaye hai? Aap humko mat sikhao. Yeh cheez ka main 400 se zyada nahi dungi’

And though I end up paying 450bucks, I love to bargain. I do too much drama while shopping. I humbly agree. “This isn’t looking good na”, “but this won’t go with this na”, “don’t you have this is this colour or this in this pattern” blah blah. And I am grateful to the ones who tolerate me.

But at the same time I’m not someone who spends thousands and thousands mindlessly every month. Shopping is my escape route only when stress takes a toll or when I’m upset cz home seems too far. I know where to end the fuss. I’m decent that ways. But I can shop and shop and shop without worrying about the aching foot.

Friend: What’s up?

Me: I’m out shopping.

Friend: Thank God you’re your Dad’s problem.

- Poulami